History and Hope

"Mourning" Oil on panel, 6" x 5"
by
Cynthia Oliver. 1998

In my initial post, The Beginning, I added an image of a painting of mine titled "Awakening". This blue painting is its companion piece, titled "Mourning". Both were painted quite a number of years ago, yet have continued relevance for me today.

These paintings were about my feelings regarding the death of my first husband. I did them many years after he had died. I think that the making of these paintings were acts (or maybe just descriptions) of walking through that grief and moving into a time of light and normalcy. For some, a symbolic ritual act of saying goodbye to their loved one is a way to mark a moment of moving beyond their loss. I believe these paintings were my ritual act.

"Mourning" is dark and even a touch flat, but there is some bright and hopeful color that reads through. I was waiting, working through the sadness in hopes of finding myself back in the world without the burden of grief. I always had hope that time would come, and it did. But it was slow in the coming. Wounds take time to heal. Even after the healing, there is a mark, a history, a scar that describes the history of a trauma experienced. Perhaps these paintings are the marks of history. I couldn't say for certain. In some ways, they are things I am unable to fully explain.

"Awakening" describes being able to step back into life. This description of coming out from under grief is hopeful in it's color and warmth and movement. It's a description of gratitude and growth, and of coming back into the brighter warmer time on this pathway I am walking along, and acknowleges history without losing hope.